I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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