i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
