people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
