is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
