the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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