I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
