I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
