Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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