my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
