i think my tv is drunk
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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