I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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