drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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