apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
