when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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