Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
