the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
