If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
