She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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