I looked at my own cervix.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
