put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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