You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
