we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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