Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
