I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
