my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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