when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
