just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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