Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
