Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
