I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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