Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
