i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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