oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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