I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
