Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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