i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
