My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize