she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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