I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
