Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
