Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
