Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
