i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
