i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
