Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
