how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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