Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize