just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
