So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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