Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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