Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I die, sorry about rent.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize