i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
