Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize