i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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