She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
