Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
