Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
