In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
