who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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