You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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