That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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