Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
