Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im drinking this country out of the recession.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
