you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
