You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
