there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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