you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
