In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
