dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
