they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
