I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
