If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize