I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
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