ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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