I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We have so much sex to catch up on
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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