Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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